There are the 5 stages of grief.
There are 5 levels in the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
There are Tuckman's Stages of Group Development (forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning).
I got to thinking, what are the most common emotional states sellers go through in business when working through a big negotiation? Recognizing these emotions could potentially help us navigate the process and improve our decision making. There are numerous ways to classify the emotions experienced in a negotiation and everyone will have a different take. In our years of working with our clients to help negotiate big deals, here are the most common stages I see.
Anticipation. Let’s face it, this anticipation typically comes with some blend of anxiety and excitement. Sellers are likely going over multiple scenarios and possible outcomes for the upcoming negotiation.
This is the state where negotiators mentally prepare and gather information, anticipating how the negotiation will unfold. We always coach our clients to ‘plan their negotiation’, meaning, map out your approach, most likely client objections and your anticipated responses. Once complete, this will help shift your emotional state from anxiety to excitement.
Frustration. It's common for initial offers from both sides to be far apart. As a seller, you may be insulted by what the client is asking for. As parties present their cases and start the back-and-forth, stress levels can increase, leading to frustration if things don’t go as planned. It's crucial to remember that this is part of the procurement strategy, and that strategy often includes unreasonable positions. My advice? Stay calm and carry on.
Cautious optimism. This stage usually involves deeper discussion about each party's needs and the exploration of possible compromises. Optimism and a sense of calm develops as the seller gets more information on the buyer’s position and thinks of potential ways to close the gap without giving up their primary position. This is a good time to look for ‘tells’ from your client on what they may be willing to give up, or by proposing Give-Gets to discover what is genuinely important the customer.
Disillusionment. This is often a critical turning point in negotiations. After being optimistic about the progress made, the buyer will often not fully act on the compromises discussed in prior discussions and hold their position, or worse yet, introduce new demands. As a seller you might feel stuck or doubt a successful outcome. This is where you need to determine your non-negotiables and secure agreement from your team, including leadership, on your walkaway position.
Resilience. At this point expectations have likely shifted that resolution is coming, for better or worse. We often see sellers build a renewed strength of resolve at this point in negotiations. Approaching the "best and final offer" stage can be stressful, but it's also when sellers often display the greatest resilience. Beware, the buyer might threaten to walk away from the deal at this point—typically, this is a bluff, but it's essential to remain patient.
Resolution. I admit that resolution is not an emotion, but this description is required because there are a range of possible emotions depending on the outcome. Some combination of relief, satisfaction, regret, and dissatisfaction are all possibilities. In a successful negotiation should both parties be satisfied? Is a successful negotiation one where neither party is satisfied? Much has been written about this and so I’ll save that for another blog.
If you feel any number of these emotions during a negotiation, please know that you’re not alone. Negotiations can be a roller coaster ride for sellers, especially when a strong procurement team is running the playbook from the buyer side. By anticipating these stages of emotion, you can recognize them and stick to the most important thing in a negotiation – the facts. Expect emotions in negotiations, but manage them to maintain control and achieve a desirable outcome.
